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Ten Clues That The Zombie Outbreak Being Announced On Your Television Is Not A Hoax

Filed by KOSU News in Art & Life.
February 12, 2013

As reported on Tuesday’s Morning Edition, KRTV in Great Falls, Montana was apparently the victim of hackers who broke in and broadcast a warning of attacking zombies. The station now says that it was a hoax, fortunately.

But in the future, how can a viewer at home identify a similar alert that really requires immediate action to avoid a very real zombie horde? We have gathered ten possible signs that the next zombie warning that beeps across your television is all too real.

1. You turn on Fox at 8:00 on a Wednesday night and hear Ryan Seacrest say, “THIS! Is MRRRRRRNNGGGRRRRNNNGGG.”

2. Local news running reports of people cleaning grocery stores out of bread, milk, eggs, and cadaver repellant.

3. At Starbucks, barista holds up a paper cup, reads what’s written on it, and says, “Soy latte for ‘GAAAAAH’? Soy latte? ‘GAAAAAAH’?”

4. Local Yelp reviews consistently knocking off two stars for “oversalted frontal lobe.”

5. Slack-faced neighbor doesn’t respond to your friendly morning greeting; wanders down middle of street with arms extended, despite meticulously maintained sidewalk.

6. Your cable guide suddenly lists The Walking Dead as “a whimsical documentary.”

7. “#zombiezombiezombiesendhelp” starts trending.

8. Reports from New York Fashion Week describe surprising uptick in “tattered dirty pants stained with cerebrospinal fluid for spring.”

9. Three colleagues report seeing different “Thriller video flashmobs” on the way to work.

10. Charity event mysteriously rebranded “5K Fun Slump.” [Copyright 2013 NPR]

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