Current Weather
The Spy FM

The Andy Advantage

Share this article and spread the love.
Join the conversation! Post a comment on this article.

The Andy Advantage

Filed by KOSU News in Science.
January 13, 2012

Yes, I’m supposed to do sciencey things, but since it’s the weekend, I’m going to join the pack and talk politics. Just this once. Politics and money.

As we all know, there are many ways to win a political contest, but money — money, money, money — really matters. Money buys those TV ads, money pays those consultants, money buys attention.

But here’s the irony. I’ve just found an inexpensive way for candidates to boost their appeal, if only they would notice — and they should — because it’s staring right at them every time they grab a load of 20s from the automatic teller machine. I mean, it’s literally on the money.

What each of these candidates need is…Andy Jackson’s hair.

As I will now demonstrate.

This is Andy Jackson with his lion’s mane of hair, superimposed, or rather folded, onto President Grant. Grant looks fantastic when he’s Jacksonized; suddenly he radiates power.

The hair is key. Take away Jackson’s nose, face, eyes, and just leave the hair, and here’s the result: Grant still looks good.

“But hey,” you say, “that’s Ulysses Grant. He’d look better with anybody’s hair.” Very well. How about we take the most admired, most loved President we’ve ever had, Abraham Lincoln, and give him “A Jackson”?

Nice, no? Jackson, of course, has that nose, those eyes, so of course he’s going to make Lincoln look better, but even if we keep Lincoln’s famously melancholy face, and just go with a “Jackson-hair-only-Lincoln”, see what we get?

Suddenly Abe’s got new moves in him. I imagine him flashing by on a skateboard. Andy Jackson’s hair just does that for people.

Which is my whole point. Mitt, Newt, Rick, Rick, Jon and Ron could spend hours and hours raising money. Or, they could leap ahead of the pack with just one visit to the hairdresser.

The only thing is, they can’t all get a Jackson. Only one of them.

The first one who does it, will, I promise you, jump forward the haircutting equivalent of two primary victories. Jackson, by the way, not only won the elections of 1828 and 1832, he might have won a third time, in 1824, but the election was so close it was thrown to the House of Representatives, a body that apparently has never been dazzled by hair.

Special thanks to Edward Jenkins, whose mashups of different presidents on the currency we use in this essay. If you want to see more examples (he didn’t dwell on General Jackson) go to his flickr site. [Copyright 2012 National Public Radio]

Leave a Reply

9AM to 10AM Car Talk

Car Talk

Listen Live Now!

10AM to 11AM Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Peter Sagal and Carl Kasell host the weekly NPR News quiz show alongside some of the best and brightest news and entertainment personalities.

View the program guide!

11AM to 12PM This American Life

This American Life

Take in a slice of Americana with critically acclaimed host Ira Glass on "This American Life." Each week he picks a theme, then gives his writers and performers the freedom to weave real stories from real people around that theme in a manner they find most engaging.

View the program guide!

Upcoming Events in your area (Submit your event today!)

Streaming audio and podcasts

Stream KOSU on your smartphone

Phone Streaming

SmartPhone listening options on this page are intended for many iPhones, Blackberries, etc. with low-cost software applications available to listen to our full-time web streams, both News on KOSU-1 and Classical on KOSU-2.

Learn more about our complete range of streaming services

We're perfecting the patient experience - Stillwater Medical Center