Filed by KOSU News in Art & Life.
January 30, 2012

Next weekend, the New York Giants meet the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl. Here with a simulation match-up are the hot dog representatives from each team. First up: the Boston Dog. Wikipedia tells us:

Hot dogs in the Boston area are associated with Boston baked beans, though this is probably not unique to the region.

We cited that because we have no idea if it’s actually true. Anyway, ours has bacon too. Representing New York, a traditional sauerkraut and mustard dirty water dog.

Ian: Technically the Giants play in New Jersey so it should be sauerkraut and mustard and hairspray.

Peter: The New Jersey hot dog is made entirely out of abdominal muscles.

Ian: I figured in honor of Tom Brady, the New England dog would be topped with long, lustrous hair.

Mike: Well, the New York dog does honor Eli Manning by coming with an older brother dog that’s way better. It’s a bratwurst.

Peter: Having spent a fair amount of time in Boston, I would say that a true Boston hot dog would have to have to be both snooty and vulgar. So, say, a French “boudin” sausage covered with pork rinds.

Ian: All I know about Boston comes from stereotypes. So I know the Boston Hot Dog wouldn’t be able to pronounce its r’s.

Kate: And it’d be wearing a tri-cornered hat.

Mike: Halfway through eating these, we should have to eat a Madonna Dog.

Eva: If you want a more interactive Super Bowl experience, these hot dogs will engage in full-contact battle in your belly.

Ian: You know, the little cocktail weenie version of the Boston Dog is called a Wes Welker.

[The verdict: the Boston Dog seemed to win out, but it had bacon on it, which is basically like bringing an extra player out onto the field. We predict overtime after the game is tied Delicious-Sick at the end of regulation.] [Copyright 2012 National Public Radio]