Filed by KOSU News in Art & Life.
November 28, 2011

A team of scientists (really) has determined that a toast sandwich (really) is the UK’s cheapest meal. It’s a slice of toast, seasoned with salt and pepper, between two pieces of bread with butter. It’s a great way for people on a budget to get their recommended daily allowance of vitamins and sadness.

Mike: Three slices of bread and nothing else? It’s like a club sandwich, but no one is allowed in the club.

Ian: You know, there’s really nothing to distinguish this from the World’s Shortest Loaf of Bread.

Peter: The only purer sandwich would be to find some way to hold the two slices of bread about a half inch apart with an array of braces. An Air Sandwich.

Hannah: The toast is like a fun surprise in the middle. A similar surprise would be to open a Christmas present and find the box is just filled with more wrapping paper.

Ian: This is the first sandwich I’ve ever had that you could shuffle.

Ian: It looks like the mattresses in Princess and the Pea. Except that had a vegetable.

Mike: It’s more like the Emperor’s New Sandwich. Only the very smart and deserving can taste the succulent meat inside.

Ian: If we’re just doing Hans Christian Andersen stories can I say I’d rather have a little mermaid sandwich?

Peter: The layers! This is the culinary equivalent of a Rothko painting. Or it’s like a sandwich by Marcel Duchamp! It questions the essence of sandwich and language both!

Ian: Hey professor, why don’t you find us a painting of bacon in your fancy books?

Mike: Ceci n’est pas une delicious.

Eva: I’ll take my sandwich to Gogh.

[The verdict: everybody liked this more than me. Eva even said her favorite food is toast. But for my money, the best cheap British meal has got to be Fitless Cock. I promise that link is safe for work.] [Copyright 2011 National Public Radio]