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Press Tour Roundup: Fake TV Shows Created In A State Of Semi-Madness

Filed by KOSU News in Art & Life.
August 19, 2011

It’s Friday afternoon, and that means it’s time for diverting content that doesn’t exhaust me. Thus, I decided to round up the complete list of fake TV shows I invented on Twitter during press tour, for those of you who didn’t catch them because you (1) don’t use Twitter; (2) don’t follow me on Twitter, or (3) don’t follow me on Twitter anymore because of press tour.

These were all invented during breaks between panel discussions, when the only alternative to making up your own television shows was to listen to “Rolling In The Deep” again. Need more like this? Well, get on Twitter!

1. Three 13-year-old girls solve petty school-based crimes for boss who appears only via webcam. iCARLY’S ANGELS.

2. FOUR INCHES, a comedy about the masculinity crisis of a man dating a woman significantly taller than he is.

3. BETTER OFF DEB, ABC Family comedy-drama about a group of women who all had coming-out parties in the same year.

4. COWBOYS, a glitzy drama about four professional poker players working out of the same Vegas hotel. Musical guests every week.

5. HALLELUJAH, TEXAS, a drama about a struggling family in a tiny town known only for a nationally revered barbecue joint.

6. TEETER TOTTER, comedy about a dotcom billionaire who inherits a decrepit playground where his single-mom ex brings her kids.

7. EXTREME MAKEOVER: FERRETS, in which people who are ugly are given ferrets to make them feel better.

8. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU HIDEOUS, where Simon Cowell travels to weddings and reviews the band during the toasts.

9. GORDON RAMSAY’S BITE ME, in which Ramsay goes up to people eating in public and yells at them.

10. BATCH, PLEASE, about a divorcee selling cupcakes out of a pink truck. Her best friend’s sexy brother works for her.

11. BLESSINGS, an offbeat comedy about Doug and Julie Blessing, a married couple of ministers whose flocks are feuding.

12. SCRATCH, about a ring of sexy young pool hustlers who share a giant loft apartment.

13. Showtime edgy comedy STAPH MEETING, which takes place in a hospital. (Creator probably Eric Shaeffer.)

14. CW melodrama THE POINT, about a group of girls who secretly own unicorns.

15. MTV awkward-teen comedy TONSIL HOCKEY, where a girl starts a band of that name in a desperate attempt to meet boys.

16. STAR VEHICLE, a comedy about a driver for a Sheen-like actor.

17. HOT MESS, a comedy about a crazy army cook.

18. LOOSE ENDS, about a private detective who works part-time as a hair stylist whose clients tell her everything.

19. LIFE OF THE PARTY, a touching drama about a medium who receives the party invitations inadvertently sent to dead people.

20. DOCTOR KITTY, comedy about female veterinarian. Her name is Kitty. She meets a local politician pushing a strict anti-pet ordinance. They start dating secretly. [Copyright 2011 National Public Radio]

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